runnin‘ time in beautiful moments
too fast, I forget the pictures in my memory
every second a smile, in both, face and heart
euphoria, where have you gone?
I wanna go searchin’, ‘cause I got it a long time before:
I am the architect of my own fortune
but – I keep staying.
in bed.
fo(u)r hours.
thoughts cross my mind
I stare out of the window – clouds pass me by
the telephone rings
and I tell you unobtrusively, that I feel bad
tears run
I hang up
tears run and separate
they separate the numbness I’m in
emotions
and they destroy the infinity of this pretended peaceful silence
still waters run deep
and dark
the blackest black I‘ve ever seen – a dark place
tar of soul
hot, sticky, thick
burnt. scars remain.
remember me to the place, where I am and where I don’t want to be anymore. never ever
again!
when did it start?
I haven’t been like that before – so fragile for lethargy
whatever. questions I can’t deal with the next hours and I reject, too.
tryin‘ to get up.
done.
the first cigarette of the day
the smoke is fast in filling. (both) lungs and room.
I’m searching for the next possibility to get down again
and time stops runnin’ again – in times of my own standstill
discontent. laziness. ordinariness (tristesse). headaches.
the absence of inner and outer sunlight
but the world won’t wait
It’s alive during my inner atrophy
prisoner of my own jail
can’t breathe. lose my smile. the inner beauty
fuckin‘ lethargy..fuck you!
what was I thinkin’ about the last hours?
whatever. it’s dark. time for laying.
good night.